How to "Manage Up"
The skill that would have saved me significant headache and heartache at work.
Let me kick off this short post with a story. I was early in my ministry journey and on staff at a church where the lead pastor and I had a… complicated relationship.
In hindsight, I was naïve, shortsighted and a bit flaky. He was rigid, tightly wound and a bit of a control freak. For some reason, we (and the board) thought we’d be great partners in ministry.
It was evident to me that if I didn’t “manage up” to him, expressing feedback of how I think he and I could have a better working relationship, it would be a short-lived tenure of ministry.
The truth is, I didn’t know what “manage up” meant and I had my former therapist of all people coach me on how to breach the conversation. Shoutout to her. I’ll never forget when I finally mustered the courage to have that conversation. I can remember distinctly where we were, and though I can’t recall word for word what we said, I do remember the relief we both felt after.
I won’t pretend we had a perfect working relationship since then, we most certainly didn’t but that one “managing up” conversation dramatically rebuilt our trust and rapport and we remain friends to this day.
The last few weeks, I have had multiple conversations with pastors and ministry leaders who are in situations where they need to manage their manager, and don’t know where to begin. That could be a youth pastor with a lead pastor, a lead pastor with his board or denomination or even a denominational leader to her bishop. I wanted to write to you.
Understand your manager’s priorities. The reason why work relationships tend to sour is not because of personality conflicts of even working styles but because of the frustration that comes from misalignment. If your manager and you are in a canoe together and paddling different directions, you both are working hard but getting nowhere.
In my previous story, I had to understand that the pastor I worked with had a priority of deep discipleship and building a strong community within the church. I did not. My priority was reaching the wider community and inviting new people into a life in Christ, even if that meant never coming to our church. The irony of course is that effective churches need both and done correctly, they can complement each other, yet I had to “give” a bit to his priority in order to “get” buy in on mine.
Bring solutions, not problems. If you’re going to remember anything for this post, remember this. No one likes that guy or gal at work who comes to their boss with their laundry list of complaints. Yes, “blowing off steam” is a healthy part of dealing with our emotions yet your manager hired you to make their life easier, not more difficult. With that said, if you sense you and your manager are misaligned, come with solutions based on understanding their priorities and find a way that you both can feel like you won.
For example, there was a time in my career when I worked at a highly operational business. What that meant was that everyone had to be in office, engaged from 8am-5pm Monday - Friday, with only a 30 minute lunch break. Due to the nature of the business, it made sense but I also wanted to attend a learning lunch in a different part of the city that would take my away from the office for 2 hours one Thursday a month. When I first asked my boss if I could do that, he told me no due to the operational nature of the job. I decided to try a different angle, and asked what if the Thursdays I attend the training, I work through my lunch break and relieve some of my colleagues who typically had to take their lunches at strange times due to the business. He liked that idea because that would make him look good to his staff (his priority) and he felt like it was “fair” since he knew inevitably people would wonder “Where is Eric?” on a Thursday afternoon. He ended up saying yes.
Focus on impact, not intent. Do not shoot yourself in the foot by being unclear in this moment, and certainly don’t accuse or make assumptions. If need be, rehearse what are going to say and anticipate what their response may be. Here’s a simple framework, “When *this* happened, this is how it landed with me *impact*, what was your perspective?”
For example, when I had the managing up conversation with my former boss (and pastor, how weird is that?) Here’s an example, “Hey Joe, I have sensed there has been tension between us regarding how I am leading our outreach department. One example is I feel strongly about the backpack imitative but you seem to think it’s a bad idea, I want to be aligned on our goals as a team. What is your perspective?”
Since I gave you the 3 right ways to do it, here are the three wrong ways to manage up.
“Hey boss, that whole being here from 8-5 is stupid and archaic. I am going to this learning lunch and if you don’t like it, fire me.”
“Hey pastor, I got into ministry and reach people, not sing kumbaya with church folk. If you want this ministry to live past you, you need to get serious about outreach.”
“Hey control freak, I know you have things that matter to you but this is what matters to me, and you my priorities matter just as much as yours.”
Hey, if you enjoyed this post, would you share it with a friend or colleague?
Afterthought: I am well aware that in many churches, particularly evangelical / independent churches with limited oversight, this is not cut and dry. A conversation like this, even packaged perfectly, could result in a worse relationship, not better. Just wanted to call that out. Regardless of polity / denomination, this only works when you’re interacting with a healthy adult.
If you’re interested in diving deeper into marketplace ministry, please consider buying my book, Market Street Pastor: Ministry Sustainability without Money Stress. When you buy direct from me as the author, all profits help support my ministry. When you buy from the “big guys” all the profits help them buy a new yacht. For non-American readers, I do ship overseas.