I am an addict and here is my story.

My name is Eric and I have a problem.

In 2022, I was developing an e-mail marketing campaign for my business, I Help Pastors Get Jobs.

I was really excited about this project, fine tuning the copy, and meticulously combing through blogs and books on how to get the drip sequence “perfect” (as there were such a thing).

I was close to being done but my wife and I had a trip planned to my in-laws. I informed her on the drive down, “I have to get his project done, it’s time sensitive.” Which was a lie.

This was an imaginary deadline that I made up to feel important. Addicts love to lie.

We arrived at my in-laws, ate dinner and after dessert, I snuck up to the spare bedroom around 9pm, peeled opened my laptop and begun clicking at my keyboard as I could hear laughter and memories being made downstairs. I put on my headphones to drown it out.

“Who has time for fun when there are so many problems in the world?”

I’m such a prick sometimes.

You might think, “Well, I avoid my in laws too, what is the big deal?”

The big deal was it was Christmas Day and I was working on a project with an imaginary timeline and chose to ignore my wife and her family to e-mail strangers my “world changing ideas.”

I have a problem.

I am addicted to work.

I am addicted to stress.

I tie my personal value with my professional output.

I am an addict in recovery.

My name is Eric and I have a problem.

If you’re reading this, you might have it too. We worship at the altar of achievement and accomplishment. We are lost without our laptops and cages to our cell phones. We are only as good as our last product, service or release.

We don’t smoke crack, we smoke cortisol.

On a later post, I will share what wake up calls (and it took multiple interventions) that helped me begin my recovery journey, the least of which being thinning hair, mood swings and growing BMI but for this post, let me share one ancient practice that truly has helped me peel myself out of the prison of my own making.

The practice of Daily Office.

For those unfamiliar with this practice: A daily office is a set pattern of prayers, scripture readings, and hymns traditionally recited at specific times throughout the day. Rooted in ancient Jewish prayer practices and later formalized by early Christians, the daily office became a way to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17) by structuring the day around times of worship.

The practice gained prominence in monastic communities during the early centuries of Christianity. Monks and nuns prayed at regular intervals, dividing the day into canonical hours such as Matins (early morning), Lauds (morning), Vespers (evening), and Compline (night). This structure was later adopted into the wider Church, especially through the Roman Catholic Liturgy of the Hours and the Anglican Book of Common Prayer.

In short, it’s taking intentional times in your day when you cease from work to pray, and center yourself upwards to God (and away from your achievements).

This practice (which I aim to engage in 1-3x daily) has transformed my life from hectic, stressful and overworked to restful, steady and sustainable. It has moved my life from a sprint to a steady jog. I can finally hold a conversation again. I can live in the moment. (Though I still don’t play board games with my in-laws)

Here is my breakdown:

Utilize The Divine Hours by Phyllis Tickle (3 books in total, which encompass the whole year). This devotional provides prayers, Psalms, songs and writings from Church Fathers that I aim to utilize it 3 points during my day - 9am, 12pm, 5pm. I don’t set an alarm on my phone but during 3 natural points in my day - prior to the workday, during my lunch break and before logging off, I stop to open The Divine Hours and to cease and pray.

Utilize The Daily Examen (developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola in the 15^th Century) before bed which is an opportunity for reflective prayer. It invites me to find the movement of God in all the people and events of my day. This gives me an opportunity to relish the moments that went well and all of the gifts I enjoyed today, request the Spirit to lead me through my review of the day, repent of any mistakes or failures. The Examen is simply a set of introspective prompts but cause me to look back on my day with God and seek His guidance at the end before I fall asleep promptly at 9:30pm. I use this app.

These tools have helped me in my recovery as they center me on my first and primary identity: a worshiper, not a worker.

Listen, I love to work. I grew up in a family that where money was always a stressor, but even more than that I am addicted to output and if I am honest, struggle to know who I am outside of what I produce. I have a hard time decoupling my identity from my achievements. That is hard to type. It may be hard to read too.

The ancient practice of The Daily Office grounds me. It remind me I am not alone, God is with me but even more so, that I am more than my resume (and I spent a lot of time on my resume).

Thanks for reading. If you have 30 seconds, could you provide feedback on this post? I ask because I am in a writing project right now and would value what content is landing and what is ‘meh’ and your input will help! The link to do so is below.

As any addict in recovery, I need to be honest. During Christmas two weeks ago. I worked. My kids and wife were in bed and I peeled away to my mistress, my laptop and began clicking away. I found myself shortly irritated over Copyright Law and shut it down and went to bed, with my favorite night cap - a cortisol spike. Pray for me.

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