"Just be yourself" and other bad interview advice.

The reason why you are not getting callbacks for second and third interviews is because you're being too real.

“I was ashamed of myself when I realized that life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face.” Franz Kafka, Novelist

Personally, I cannot think of too many quotes that pack as much punch for real life application.

Often, when I work with career changers who struggle in the interview process, I share this quote with them and it tends to catch them by surprise. It causes them to pause because it’s so foreign to their natural thinking and most career advice.

Common career advice teaches concepts like, “When you’re in an interview, just be yourself.”

Why in the world would I do that?

My true self would rather be riding my RadRunner down the Hudson River Waterfront Greenway or snowboarding with my kids in Vermont, not sitting in a job interview under fluorescent lights trying to impress a stranger.

This is a job interview, not a firepit with your 3 closest friends drinking some Coors Banquets talking about the Yankees.

Now I know what you are thinking… what about authenticity, or keeping it real, or even integrity. I am not saying lie, be fake or embellish your actual skills but I am saying in an interview you need to dial down your rough edges and emphasize your most likable traits and desired skills for the role.

The person interviewing you is hiring you to solve a problem for them, not to become their new best friend and guess what? The hiring manager is also wearing a costume too. She isn’t “excited to learn more about you” or “hear your story,” you could be her 8th interview that week and she couldn’t tell you 3 things from the last person she interviewed 2 hours earlier.

Here are the three most common mistakes:

Oversharing — There is a fine line between being personable and being too personal. There are many factors here but the simplest way to gauge how personal you should be in the interview is by taking queues from the person interviewing you. Are they sharing about where they grew up, what they do for fun or other personal anecdotes? If so, lean in, if not, avoid, avoid, avoid. Remember, job interview, not new best friend.

Lacking Focus — In my work with pastors, this is the biggest issue they face when interviewing. Pastor are natural storytellers, and tangential. They can be asked, “Share a time when you solved a problem?” And they can spend 8 minutes telling 3 different stories, and finish by asking, “What was the question again?” Keep your answers succinct, dialed in, and use the STAR Framework if that helps (Situation, Task, Action, Result). Also, internalize some answers before the interview aka prepare - don’t wing it.

Being negative or critical (or overly excited) — Even if you hope your previous coworkers can be your pallbearers so they can let you down one last time or you think your old boss was evil incarnate, leave those comments in a box at home. No one wants to work with a cynical, jaded jerk nor does anyone want to work the Labrador Retriever of office workers. Observe the energy in the room and flex yours to be a hair's breadth higher to display appropriate enthusiasm.

This is a job interview.

Not therapy.

Use less words.

Smile.

Pretend it’s a first date if that helps.

Keep your weirdness locked in a closet.

If you find yourself being repeatedly frustrated by not getting invites into second and third round interviews, it could likely be you are attending a costume party with your real face.

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