The Hidden Networking Strategy No One Talks About (But Everyone Needs)

You're like an Indie Rocker, you need to be seen live.

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I don’t talk much about my glory days of church planting in New York City anymore, but recently, a pastor of an established church asked me how I managed my time church planting. I think the answer surprised her.

“Well, I would wake up and go to a CrossFit gym down the block and do a 7am work out, then I would walk down the other block and go to the coffee shop and have an 8 am meeting, then on weekends, I’d volunteer at a community garden and meet people. Most weeks, my wife and I would do a date night at this popular pub in the neighborhood, where we knew the staff and regulars. I’d take my kids to the same 3-4 playgrounds and knew a lot of the families. We were involved in the school’s PTA, and my kids played youth soccer. I would also visit our building’s pool almost every night to swim with the kids and socialize with neighbors. We’d often have people over to our home for BBQs in our building’s courtyard, usually twice a week. I was also a member of a CoWorking space where I would go 2-3 times a week with other small business owners to work and would often visit the Brewery weekly, where I got to know the staff and regulars. In short, 80% of my church planting was building relationships in the community. 20% was church stuff.”

In a given month, I would be in ‘third places’ (places separate from home and work) 10-15 times a week! Multiply that by 10 years, and that’s 8000 community touchpoints in my church planting journey.

These weren’t places I would necessarily go out of my way to visit, but were baked into the natural rhythms of life, work, fatherhood, and marriage. Those touchpoints were the building blocks of establishing a congregation in one of the hardest-to-reach communities in America.

Why do I share this?

Because I am afraid many people short-circuit their goals by thinking that they can take ‘the easy way out’ in making connections, building trust and establishing rapport with others. What do I mean?

• You can have a polished resume, dialed-in LinkedIn Page, and an elevator pitch that is locked in… but if you never attend in-person networking events based on your industry, you’ll struggle to find a job.

• You can have a slick website for your church, a creative social media campaign that drives clicks, and the most sizzling reels of you preaching… but if you’re not meeting for coffees and lunches, it’s going to be hard to reach new people.

• You can have the greatest idea for a new startup, and spend weeks (or months) dialing in your ICP, offering structure and set up everything you need on the backend, but if you’re not willing to open your calendar to meet with potential customers, it’s going to be hard to get off the ground.

When you’re starting out, a new job, a church startup, a new business… you are an Indie Act. People wait in line to buy Beyonce and T. Swift tickets, you are neither… (or maybe you are, and if so, great). But until you reach that level, you have to do the hard work of belly to belly, face to face, pavement pounding work of being in third places and building on three critical elements:

1. Do people know you?

2. Do people like you?

3. Do people trust you?

Go find a third space and keep showing up.